Hypocritical Evil (Mormonism)

An old friend called me today; a friend whom I hadn’t spoken to in possibly 3 years. I don’t know the reasoning for him phoning me, but I do know that what he told me both humoured and saddened me. 

He (the person who called) was old ‘churchgoer’, a friend of mine, who used to pick me up every Sunday and take me to Church. A fellow Mormon, he would always be in a suit and tie (black and white) and on my first outings to the church, bought me my own suit, so I would not be out of place, or ‘aesthetically deviant’ as he would put. It was mainly because my Parents couldn’t afford to buy one, that he took him to the expenditure himself. 

Among the conversation, I inquired as to how the Pastor was at my old church was. Apparently, he no longer was Pastor, but, confined to Salt Lake, to a penance of scripture reading and solitude. The Pastor was the man who drove me out of the church.

After reading a leaflet he handed to me on morality, it stated “if you are struggling with your sexuality inform your pastor”…

Perhaps, I was gullible, or genuinely concerned, but nonetheless, I went to see the Pastor to inform him of such “homosexual tendencies”. The preachings of love, compassion and forgiveness, did not seem to be potent enough in the Pastor’s mind when he addressed the issue.

To be humiliated in front of the whole congregation, to be told you are a disordered and disfigured, creature and consequently disowned by God, is not nice. Similar to my own mother, I was at the front of the church, all eyes on me, at 14, being pointed at, for being condemned for now what I did, but for what I was. Similar to my mom, who was kicked out of the church, for being pregnant out of wedlock, I was being ridiculed, for being gay. 

Myself, I live for Irony. It makes things beautiful, humorous, and worth living for. Here’s where the frustration and pain I went through, suddenly was worth it. The Pastor, the ugly toad, who consciously destroyed the self confidence of a 13 year old boy, confused and searching for answers, was confined to solitude for hiring the services of a rent boy. 

The details intrigued me…. 

I was instantly reminded of Ted Haggard, and his disaster. Because, there was drugs involved; apparently, heroin. The love of God, never saved him from his own corruption or filth. 

I don’t know whether to be extremely happy in the knowledge that the Pastor was himself, a dirty faggot, or  sad. Extremely sad, that the teachings that comes from a a clutch of sinister elderly virgins, has caused such misery in Pastor’s themselves, and the children under their pastoral care.

In the end, I know the irony pleases me. And it gives me satisfaction, that cruelty in the end will, hit the fan. It pleases me that this conscious charlatan and fraud is chewing through his own quilt, and shame, coming to terms with his own disordered nature.